Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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