Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
