no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize