i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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