I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it's like iHOP with fire
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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