btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
