i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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