Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
