one two three fourrrrnication!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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