My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
