Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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