I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
