I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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