used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
