I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
