you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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