Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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