so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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