so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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