So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
two words...techno handjob
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
