I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
