I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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