I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
