It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Terrible idea I love it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
