So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he shaved USA in his pubs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
