Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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