No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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