okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
