Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
