dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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