hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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