The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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