you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this is an emotional support booty call
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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