im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
