So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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