Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
