just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
