I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
