We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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