Porn is love you can see.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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