hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
