Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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