he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
