somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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