You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
