What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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