Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
