Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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