Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
