If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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