Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
