Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
