Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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