To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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