like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
