u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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