yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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