TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Randomize
