So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
