Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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