the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
