Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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