i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
