I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Pooping to opera.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
