he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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