sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
