I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my being single is dangerous.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
