who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
