I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
