Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
